Finding The Balance Between Trading And Parenting

Solutions on dealing with external pressures

Nothing prepares you for the chaos that is parenthood.

Throw into the mixture the relentless demands of trading, and it feels like a high-stakes game of whack-a-mole. Just as you handle one crisis, another seems to pop up. It is a never-ending juggling act that will test your mental fortitude to the highest level.

Being a Dad is not just a title. It is a role and a lifestyle that constantly evolves. From the moment you first hold your child in your arms, you realise the magnitude of this new responsibility. It transforms your time, energy, and emotional focus. All parents reading this will be able to sympathise fully.

The highs are so special and pure that they touch you right to the core. However, sometimes the stress of it all gets too much.

Recently I felt the magnitude of this strain. The kids come down with a vomiting bug, the wife ends up bedridden, everyone becomes irritable and sleep-deprived, routines get abandoned, and the bills keep on coming. The Coldplay concert you have been looking forward to gets ruined. That one date night gets canceled. Furthermore, the trading Gods seem to have a knack for knowing when you are cutting corners and when you are in an impaired state by ruthlessly punishing you.

That summed up the last few weeks.

But here's the truth- EVERYONE has their own sht going on! Having children is a well-trodden path.

Here's the other truth- the market doesn’t know you. It isn’t personal.

I love my kids and wouldn’t change a thing. I am fortunate for their health and good character. My sister has a son with a disability. My sister-in-law has two sets of twins. Man does this put things into perspective! Be blessed for these two little legends:

(S.Cronulla on a day off)

Through the vortex of the last few weeks, I was forced to lean on some strategies I have learned over the few years of bouncing parenting with trading. I failed miserably in some areas but I was able to rectify some of my previous mistakes.

In this newsletter, I wanted to explore dealing with adversity and offer solutions for those feeling the stress of external pressures. You may not have kids but the tension can still be very real - struggling with trading consistency, financial burdens, or health issues. There may be something here that resonates with what is currently on your mind.

1. Break

More often than not, the most powerful action is simply to slow down and break.

So much of the distress we feel comes from reacting instinctually instead of taking a measured and deliberate approach. As an example, my character always wants to fight challenges and push through. This inevitably compounds problems and leads to more burnout. So much of what we get wrong comes from the same place.

Create the space to stop and pull back. This also enables a place in time to think deeply.

Despite the concerns that you will miss the next great trading opportunity, realise the markets will always be there.

One of the advantages of being a short-term trader is that you do not have to play hands. You do not have to be in the market at all. In a sub-optimal state, your thinking and conditioning are weakened. Under such conditions, it would make no sense to take a seat at the table against professionals as you have become the short stack.

It should be completely obvious when the stress is too much or you are needed elsewhere. The mature and disciplined decision is to call it.

Instead:

• Take the day/s off to help with the kids

• Step up to lead household roles

• Walk, Run, Exercise, Sweat.

It may take one day. It may take a longer period of time. The goal is to detach from the markets and focus on what is most needed.

Often I was so busy working that I didn’t stop to be present with my kids and enjoy the moment. I was too transfixed to appreciate what my wife was experiencing or needed. I had lost all perspective as to the meaning of family. Not this time.

2. Structure your time

To me, there is no such thing as “working from home with kids”. Choose to be 100% focused on your business or 100% focused on the children.

If you are not, something is falling short somewhere and you are not being present. Being present demands all of us.

As a parent, you are going to lose a lot of time. Anyone who gives you advice to the contrary just doesn’t have kids.

The bed and bath routine finishes at 7.30 pm and your own dinner is still not on the table. The self-improvement gurus will tell you that you still need to stretch, meditate, write a gratitude journal, close off work projects, visualise what you want to tackle tomorrow, and de-regulate by reading for 30 mins before a 9-hour sleep.

It just isn’t going to happen.

The solution is to prioritise your highest-value routines and processes.

This needs some uncomfortable conversations with the significant other to set boundaries and goals. However, being transparent is the only way to schedule these time blocks.

To perform in trading you are going to have to consistently put the work in. This requires sacrifices and an element of selfishness. For me, the non-negotiables are:

• Gym x 3 per week

• Preparation 8.15 am onwards

• Trading

• Review work

Regular readers will have an insight into what some of this review work looks like. A great post by Brian Lee further delves into this topic with his unique schedule here. These routines must involve deep analytical work that is often uncomfortable. They should also be structured around the MOST impactful to your current situation and circumstances.

To perform as the father I want to be, the same level of detail, planning, and energy needs to happen.

As an example, one simple hack - put the phone away the minute you walk in the door. That action ensures you are engaged and bringing your whole self to the family. There is nothing that cannot wait during this short time and yet it is amazing how easily we can get distracted.

Another solution was to eat with the kids. This brought forward dinner and freed up time in the evening for review work and sleep. It meant I wasn’t crashing with low energy.

It is certainly not easy to find this time. Get help, experiment, and have a tough conversation. It is the only way to ensure everyone is getting what they need.

3. Develop a risk plan around an impaired state

Nothing ever good happens when you are trading sick, hungover, or sleep-deprived. You might as well throw money into a furnace.

I learned this lesson hard in the early stages with a newborn. I would show up feeling like a zombie, the preparation was sporadic, and I would commit capital to half-baked ideas. The sharpness and alertness were not there. I would miss entries or blow-through stops. In the evenings with the kids asleep, I would watch the hell out of Netflix and drink wine to relax. I was telling myself to wait until things became calm again. It was all a negative feedback loop.

Does any of this sound familiar with your current external pressures?

The reality is there will be a point when you are not 100% and find yourself at the screens. We don’t have the luxury of an everlasting break. A solution raised by my mentor was to develop a risk plan around impaired states. This could include:

• Reducing Daily risk if sleep-deprived or sick. As an example, a $15k intraday risk stop-out becomes $5k. It has to be a meaningful reduction. Use any gadget or your intuition to inform how you are feeling.

• Decrease the number of tickers or strategies that can be traded on the day.

• Double down on a pre-open mental routine to increase self-awareness and discipline

• Increase the time spent on work AWAY from trading. This could include building infrastructure, reviewing trading stats, writing up playbooks, and backtesting.

This is certainly an area I still need to improve on as it is easier said than done. However, it is a fact that I get the love back for trading by burying myself in project work and immersing in past trades.

4. Study the trades and pain points without resulting

After a series of losses, the temptation is to believe the market is against you and that you cannot do anything right. This feeling compounds when stressed.

As an example, last week I bought Novonix ($NVX) for a momentum system. All was looking good until 15 minutes before the opening a capital raising announcement was released at a 38% discount to the last price!! A $20k loss ensued.

The initial reaction was:

→I can’t do anything right

→This market is so tough. Nothing is working in Australia

→I should not be taking any Overnight trades

→It was obvious they were going to raise into strength

What I was conveniently forgetting at that moment was that my previous six systematic momentum trades were all solid winners namely APX, VUL, and WBT. It was also only one month ago that I lucked into an LTM takeover.

Our minds are wired to result after the fact.

The truth is overnights have always been high variance and there is so much you cannot control.

A solution is to study trades with a specific framework. Ask:

• Was my reasoning sound? What potential information did I miss?

• Did I have an edge?

• Did I enter correctly?

• Did I exit correctly?

• What can I learn and improve on for next time?

This process should be done over a basket of trades and not just one individual moment. Good trades can be bad beats. Bad trading can be bad trading.

5. Know it will get better

When I was young and heartbroken friends would tell me that “time is the best healer”. I hated that advice but it ended up being true.

When everything is blowing up at home, accept the reality of the new situation. It is going to get gritty but try to remain solution-focused rather than problem-focused.

To be a leader of the family you are going to have to be strong. To consistently perform in trading you are going to have to be resilient. Priorities will shift and the job is to adapt to what is needed in the present moment.

Life goes on. Kids are resilient buggers. Things heal.

Try to keep your head on when everything is blowing up around you.

Final thoughts

Nothing I have written here is ground-breaking. However, executing simple stuff often pays.

The realisation I want the reader to have is that it is nearly impossible to perform when your mind isn’t fully focused and you are not sufficiently planned. Instead, accept the impaired state as an opportunity to increase self-discipline and to do the hard work behind the scenes that gets ignored when markets are open. If your family needs you, be present. Trying to be across everything leads to a half-assed job and more tension.